Hello people, it’s me, Nanna.
I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a really long time…But today was the day, that I finally realized that I had to come clean, not just to the people around, but mostly for myself, so I can begin to live my life fully and surround myself with the things that I love to do.
The topic of today is how I’ve got to learn to love – and own up to – who I truly am… to embrace both my personality, passions and dreams.
For the past few months I’ve been consulting a psychologist because of some mental issues that I’m struggling with…the things I’m struggling with are still to private for me to share though, but I guess we all have our secrets.
But I can tell you that the last time I was in therapy my psychologist reminded me of one (sorry for my language) motherfucking important thing! life is too short to let all the bad things and people in your life get you down.
For a long time I’ve been scared of being who I am, own it and embrace it. And the weird thing is that Im not scared to let the world know, but I’m scared to embrace it in front of my closest. And that have just made me feel awful about myself for a really long time, I mean your family should be the people that know you the best right? But for me…it’s just not the case right now.
I mean of course they know me, most of them have seen me grow up, but a lot have been going on the last few years….and lets just say I’ve had my ups and downs, that very few people know about.
But now I’m finally beginning to feel better, but this little tiny thing is still knocking me down everyday.
Because.. I feel that my parents (whom I love endlessly of course) doesn’t accept my interests or who I’ve become the last few years.
I’ve changed a lot, not my personality but my interests have definitely changed.
My parents got a divorce when I was about 10-11 years old, and I’ve lived with my dad ever since.
Me and my dad had always had a huge passion for motorsports and I’ve been driving gokart for many years and I loved it.
But since I started at the gymnasium and things were getting totally out of hand with my mental health and I was feeling completely damaged inside, because of all the bad thoughts and stress in my head.
I had to quit school for a whole year.
The next year I started again, but realised that I had to quit one of my biggest passions and hobbies, motorsports.
I remember being devastated about telling my dad that I wasn’t going to drive anymore, because of school. But he saw the point with my decision very quickly. But I think he at some point always thought I would start driving again after I’ve finished school.
But as I said earlier my interests really went form one end of the spectrum to the other.
I’ve always been very creative as a kid and I think it just came back to me in the past few years. I’ve started drawing, editing, taking pictures, and all in all just creating something again.
And then I threw my love on fashion and social media.
That’s why I started a blog and just recently started a little youtube channel, because I just like to create something.
But my parents are of course from another generation than I am, so they don’t quite understand what a blog or a youtube channel is…
They have created their own vision on social media persons, like youtubers, bloggers or instagramers as people that just love to think that they are better than anybody else, and just want to throw their perfect life up in your face every time you open your instagram.
People that only think THEY are the shit and maybe take themselves a little bit too seriously.
But in some case my parents just forgot I guess, that I’m not like that.
And thats why they just never really accepted it before today.
Because today I told them, that they made me sad for being who I am…and for not supporting me in my dreams and new passions.
And honestly when my parents doubt me, I doubt me too.
Because I just really wanted to make them proud, but even though the most important thing is to first of all make myself proud.
The worst feeling is to feel like you have to hide a part of yourself everyday. And I’ve never felt that I had to hide in front of strangers, but definitely in front of my family definitely because I’ve alway known that they wouldn’t understand at all.
But you can’t hide forever, and nobody should because it’s hella exhausting and it just made me more and more insecure about myself. I mean I’ve never shared my blog on my facebook wall because I was scared that people that know my family would start asking them questions, and then I thought my family maybe would be like ” yeah I don’t really know whats going on ether”.
That’s why I realised that I had to find some courage to speak up and tell them point of view.
We have now had a really long talk about all of this, and my parents were truly happy that I actually shared my thoughts like this and stood up for myself. Besides that, they have now seen the differences between bloggers, youtubers and so on, and realised that it’s not all of us that just want to talk about how amazing our lifes are our how you just can’t be fashionable without a crazy expensive designer bag, that you only should buy brand new from the Chanel store and never second hand.
Some of us just like to share fashion inspiration, play with colours and prints, photography and video editing, and most importantly share a little personality and relate to other pepole.
Because I see it as a give an take business, you get inspired and then you inspire.
You read a story and maybe related to it, and then maybe starts to reflect over your own life or decisions. And who knows maybe it helps maybe it doesn’t, but at least it was some kind of entertaining.
That’s why I’m so relieved now that my parents actually know me for who I am again.
And most of all accept me, so I can start not being scared anymore, because now I know they got my back.
Promise me you never hide yourself for so long like I did, life is to short to not live your dreams and passions, and not embracing yourself for being just who you want to be, yourself.
I know that now.